True Self
by ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Set during "Revelations". Spencer reveals his secret power of telekinesis during his capture by Tobias Hankel. Now he must come to terms with the ramifications of revealing himself, and face the questions of his teammates. And, to his dismay, his mother. Now a Two-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

Spencer knew what had to be done, but felt saddened that it had come to this point.

He had kept his powers a secret. He hated knowing that he was so different, but he had to do it. He silently prayed for forgiveness.

He pictured Hankel being pushed back a few feet.

The muscle, unused for so long, still worked, but would have to be toned again. He grunted, then slowly imagined a bubble, wrapped around his body like a catsuit. Slowly, he pushed it away from him. The strain on his body was harsh, but it was worth it. He had to survive.

He murmured to himself, trying to concentrate.

"Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen... Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen..."

"You devil spawn." Charles spat.

Spencer's eyes snapped open.

NO. No more.

"Get away!" He shrieked. Hankel was pushed back three feet, shocked. Unbeknownst to him, the entire team was watching.

"What just happened?" Asked Prentiss.

"I think Reid just had a moment right out of Carrie." Morgan commented.

"With his IQ I can't say I'm surprised." Murmured Hotch.

"Now all we have to do is find him." Said Garcia.

Hours passed, but Spencer maintained the thin shield, much to Tobias' chagrin. His heart was racing like never before, but he had to keep it up. He relaxed his body as much as possible, then imagined the ropes binding him to the chair dropping to the ground.

To his surprise it worked.

He was quick to disarm Hankel before running to the computer and sending Garcia an email so that she could find him.

He kept the shield up, just in case Hankel was faking a head injury.

When the team arrived, he let the shield down, but his heart ran into overdrive. He collapsed to the ground and took gasping breaths. People were talking around him. People he knew. But he couldn't focus. His heart was pounding so hard that he wondered how he was still alive. The feeling of an elephant sitting on his chest refused to leave him be. He started coughing and moved so that he was on his hands and knees. He was afraid of throwing up, and his hand flew to his mouth. He wiped away what he thought was spittle, but caught a flash of color and stopped to look at it.

It was blood.

His eyes widened with horror. He was still gasping for air, but he choked on it the way people choke on water that they swallowed down the wrong pipe. He started shaking as black terror rose up in his mind. Things in the room started toppling over, but he didn't notice. Voices around him grew louder and louder, but he didn't move his eyes from the blood that was beginning to dry on his hand. He wanted to scream or cry or find something to express the whirlwind of emotions that were consuming him. His heart rate was still high, but not as dangerously high as it was before. Slowly, he got to his feet, still shaking. He looked back toward the camera that had been taping him and pictured it being flung across the room. It did as he wished. There was a tiny bit of glass on the floor. His upper body swayed precariously as he tried to get steady on his feet.

A hand set on his shoulder. He was a hair shy of flinging the owner across the room when he recognized the face of agent Derek Morgan.

"Reid, are you alright?" The words were serious. He nodded, not wanting to talk. "We're going to take you to the paramedics, okay?" He shook his head no. He didn't want to be analyzed like some medical experiment. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's not safe." When Morgan reached out to him, he backed away. "I know you mean well, but leave me be. Just stay away and you'll be safe from me." He turned his back to them, ashamed. Momma had told him from the time he had first used his talent that it must be concealed, or he would be ostracized. As a genius and prodigy, he had experienced it enough to know that he didn't need to give people another reason to make fun of him. However, he had used it a few times. To get himself down from the goal post when he had been tied up there by the popular kids. To trip the jock who picked on him every day. To do chores while Momma was hallucinating. Now, standing there after revealing himself so nakedly, he could feel his cheeks redden as they all stared at him.

Things started coming towards him, swirling around him, as if he had his own gravitational pull. They started spinning faster and faster, like a tornado around him, responding to his inner panic. He fell to his knees, head throbbing with pain. He gripped the sides of his head in anguish.

"Leave... Now!" He gritted through his teeth. The sheer panic growing within him was evident by the look of growing terror on his face. "You're not safe here!"

Nobody moved. Nobody breathed.

He gasped, and his head shot up so that he was staring at the ceiling. The dim lightbulb above them shattered.

Slowly, he was lifted into the air as the vortex continued it's tornado-like spin. It was getting out of hand. He felt his control slipping away. The fear would prove to be his undoing. He screeched. His body twisted and contorted in ways he didn't think anyone who wasn't a professional gymnast or yoga guru could do. Then, consciousness became inconsistent. It wavered in and out, and the vortex weakened significantly. His energy gone, he was getting closer to the ground.

Finally, consciousness was obliterated completely, and he collapsed onto the dirt floor, the tornado dissipated and everything in the air came crashing down, though strangely not on Spencer himself. Perhaps the shield was still operating subconsciously. After making sure nothing else would fall, Hotch and Morgan carried their friend into the ambulance.

It took them twenty minutes to get to the hospital. Twenty minutes of pure uncertainty for their entire team as they tailed the ambulance. The cops had already come to pick up Hankel. Spencer was rushed into the ER. The BAU sat in the waiting room, waiting for news about their friend. Morgan called Garcia, who made him promise to call the second they heard any news about Spencer's health.

Two hours passed before there was any word on his condition. When the doctor came back, they were on edge.

"Spencer Reid?" they all stood up. Hotch stepped forward.

"I'm Agent Hotchner, Doctor Reid's superior."

"I'm Doctor Roberts. Do you have any idea of what caused the trauma he went through?"

"No sir." He lied.

"Whatever it was, it put a serious strain on his body. He came very close to having a heart attack. He clearly has a very severe case of tachycardia, but the worst of his symptoms have cleared themselves. He'll be perfectly fine in a few hours. He just needs some rest. You can come and see him if you'd like." They nodded and went to see their coworker and close friend.

What they saw was sobering.

Spencer lay hooked up to tubes and wires, face pale and almost translucent. It was terrifying. JJ called Garcia while the rest of them gathered at their bedside. He had been given a private room. Even in unconsciousness his expression was troubled.

They all agreed to watch in one hour shifts. Hotch took the first watch, and then Morgan would go, then JJ, Gideon, and finally Prentiss. Those not on guard could get some well-deserved rest. It was going to be a long night.

Time passed all too slowly. It wasn't until six the next morning that Spencer opened his eyes. He blinked, looking around sleepily. He groaned as his head throbbed with pain. What had happened to him? He wasn't really sure. Then he saw the tubes and wires sticking out of him. The memories came crashing over him. Oh. Oh.

A hand touched him, and he flung his arms in front of his face in a feeble attempt to protect himself. He was so used to being laughed at and made a spectacle of that he forgot that these were his friends. He expected the doctors to come in and do tests on him, as if he were some sort of lab rat. When he glanced over and saw that it was just Morgan, he relaxed. His panicked breathing slowed until it was steady again. The color returned to his skin until he looked normal, aside from the tubes and wires, that is.

"How are you feeling, pretty boy?"

"Fine, I guess."

"You sure about that?"

"Not really..." He couldn't shake the feeling of dread that had settled in his stomach. He couldn't make himself manage a smile. He had seen the sanitarium treat his mother like a hamster- imprisoning her in a glass cage and constantly being watched. He honestly expected that type of treatment now.

Derek was quiet a moment as he gathered his thoughts. His friend was clearly in a bad place right now. What could he do to make him more comfortable? Could he even do anything?

"Do you want to tell me what's really going on here?" The words were out before he thought them through. Spencer flinched, then sighed.

"What do you want to know?"

"How long has this been going on?"

Spencer looked away. "Ever since I can remember."

"How did you even find out that you could do this?"

"It's just something I've always been able to do. My Mom told me that I shouldn't use it... That it would just make me more of an outsider. That someone would find out about it and take me somewhere to be dissected like a frog or put in some cage... So I stopped. I still used it when my Mom wasn't around, so I never lost the ability completely. And when put in a life threatening situation, adrenaline often enhances strength- including that of the mind. So I was able to protect myself." He shrugged. "It's just science, really."

Morgan chuckled, but he could tell something was bothering his friend.

"What's bothering you?"

Spencer sighed. "I don't want to be looked at like a freak. I've lived that life, and I don't want to do it again."

"And you really think we're going to turn on you just like that?" It wasn't offended as much as surprised.

"Maybe... I don't know. It's what I've always expected to happen when someone found out."

"Maybe you need to change your expectations."

Spencer looked at him, confused.

"Man, we know who you are as a person. We aren't going to let one thing change the way we see you. It's a part of who you are, and we can accept that as long as you do."

Spencer grinned. "Thanks. I really needed to hear that."

"Any time, man. Anytime."

From then on, the team was much closer now that Spencer's secret and worst fear had been expunged. And Spencer himself felt so much more accepted than he had ever anticipated. He had a great family, and he had great friends. And for him, that was enough. He was finally able to be completely himself, and that made him happier than ever before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I don't really know why I returned to this fic after almost two years, but it happened. In case you didn't know: this fic is written in the style of Stephen King's "Carrie" (powers and all). Anything in parentheses are Spencer's thoughts. Hope you enjoy!**

Spencer sat in the front seat of the SUV.

(I am not afraid of her)

The Bennington Sanitarium lay before him. Inside was his Momma. He'd put off the confrontation for as long as he could, vacillating between telling her what had happened and keeping it to himself. It had been a week since he had revealed his powers to the team. To his surprise, they had been accepting of him. He hoped his Momma would be too.

(You have to tell her)

He got out of the car and shut the door, walking to the door and trying to think of what he would say to her. What could erase her image of him as a child born with hellish powers? He didn't know. He checked in at the front desk, smiling at the receptionist, but wasn't conscious of what was going on around him. A nurse led him to where his mother was. His anxiety rose with every step. Nervously, he used his powers to loosen and tighten the strap of his messenger bag, but only ever so slightly so that the movement would not be noticed.

Momma was sitting by a window, writing in her journal. She seemed to be lucid, but a part of him wished she wasn't, just so he had the chance to leave. For a moment he considered running away as fast as he could. But the steel in him

(Don't back down now)

Would not let him cower away from this.

"Miss Diana? You have a visitor."

Diana looked up and saw her son standing there. A smile lit up her face and she moved to wrap her son in a hug when she noticed the way he looked. His hands fiddled nervously with his messenger bag, his body language was tense, and he had an anxious aura about him. Immediately she was concerned, and paused.

"Spencer? What's wrong, baby?"

(Be strong you can't back out now)

"I-I need to tell you something."

Diana nodded and led him to her room. She felt fear pouring from her baby, and wondered what could be frightening him so much. She stood by her bed and Spencer stood across from her. As soon as the door clicked shut she looked to her son for an answer as to what was wrong.

Spencer felt his chest tighten in anxiety.

(O God I'm not ready to do this)

"I-I... I..."

(Get it over with)

"I accidentally showed the team my powers." He babbled in a rush.

Diana stared at him, ogling as she tried to take in what she had just heard. To her son she looked to be a woman who was staring at him as if she was truly seeing him for the first time. He felt his own heartbeat shoot through the roof as the seconds creeped by.

(Say something don't let her jump to conclusions)

He was about to speak up and amend the statement with several reassuring statements when his mother let out an infuriated shriek. He'd never heard a sound like that before. He'd heard criminals angry screams and threats, and he'd seen some things that no one should ever see, but he'd never seen anything more grotesque than his mother's face in that moment. Her wordless shriek of rage made his heart skip several beats and made his face go a shade of white that was too pale to have a name.

(O God what did I just do)

Before he could react further, a hand struck him across the face. The sound of skin striking skin rang out very clearly in the tiled bedroom. Spencer was knocked onto the ground by the force of the hit. He cradled his cheek, reeling with shock and feeling the stinging sensation left behind by his mother as he covered the red mark with his hand.

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU USED THEM! YOU'VE DESTROYED EVERYTHING! NOW THEY'RE GOING TO LOCK YOU UP IN HERE WITH ME AND YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A NORMAL LIFE!" She shrieked. "Do you WANT to be taken away and be a guinea pig for the rest of your life?! Oh, that's what they'll do the government when they get their hands on you! They'll poke you and prod you and test you until you've outlived your usefulness, and then they'll throw you out like a piece of garbage! I've seen it before... oh I've seen it... I tried to protect you from it, but now you've left yourself no place to hide!" She started scratching at her face and pulling at her hair, and it made Spencer panic like a three year old little boy inside. His scream of "Momma!" Was overpowered by his mother's continuing rant. Suddenly her rage turned into tears. "Oh they'll take you away... and I'll never see you again... Oh God, oh God, oh my God..." She sobbed. "My baby, my baby, my poor, poor baby..." she clutched the Gold locket around her neck and dropped to her knees, sobbing and praying and panicking.

Orderlies rushed into the room, swarming his mother and injecting her with a sedative. Spencer called for them to stop, but they ignored him and laid his mother in her bed. When he was alone with her, he reached down and grabbed her hand.

"Momma... I'm sorry." He whispered. "They promised they wouldn't tell. They won't turn me in. I promise. They're my family."

"Spencer..." It was a whisper. "Don't let them take you. Please..." And with that, Diana's eyes drifted closed.

Spencer sat down on her couch, tears streaming down his face with uninhibited abandon. He sobbed for his Momma, for her illness, for his hand in her breakdown.

"I'm sorry." He sniffled. "I'm sorry."

Overcompensating for his guilt, he started absently playing with things with his mind, zipping and unzipping his messenger bag, loosening and tightening it's straps, and flicking the bathroom lights on and off. These simple tasks were no strain to his body, not like what had happened in Tobias Hankel's shed.

(I'm sorry Momma I never meant to hurt you)

He cried until he couldn't anymore. When there were no more tears inside of him he watched his Momma sleeping, wondering what he should do now. The guilt and stress he felt were eating him alive. His mind kept flashing back to moments in his childhood that were similar to this, and the things he had said.

(I'm sorry Mommy I didn't know I won't do it again I'll be a good boy I promise)

Momma had disapproved mightily when he used his powers, but she'd always forgiven him. Would she forgive him now? The question frightened him. What if she didn't? It was a thought too awful to speak aloud for fear of it coming true.

What if she didn't forgive him? What then?

Restlessly, he began pacing the room, trying to think through the options at hand, but he couldn't focus. He was too worried about someone seeing what he was doing. So he used his power to lock the door and put the window blinders down. Enticed by the privacy he now had, he began using his powers to open books, flip through pages, swirl pens around in a mug, and open and close the window.

Books whizzed overhead and pens danced through the air around him. Looking at the random formation of the objects made him feel oddly calm. He thought he could recall doing things like this when he was really really little. Of course back then he hadn't been able to really control his powers. Those things had happened by chance. What was happening now was purposeful. For a moment he wished to be a small child again, simply to have the excuse of not being able to control it. Maybe then Momma could forgive him.

He threw himself on his Momma's couch, putting everything down and stopping. He felt his heartbeat accelerate until he was panting. The strain was harsh, but not as unbearable as it could have been. He waited until his heart rate went down before he curled onto his side.

(I want my Momma)

The thought put a big lump in his throat.

He didn't remember falling asleep. When he woke it was sunset and Momma was still asleep. Spencer looked around the room, expecting something to happen. But nothing did. Until half an hour later. Momma began to stir. Spencer felt his heart leap into his throat as he went over to her.

"Momma?" He asked timidly.

"Spencer... What are you doing here?" She murmured.

"I came to say I'm sorry."

Momma wiped the sleep out of her eyes. It took her a minute to catch on. When she did, she spoke slowly and with great reticence. "No Spencer... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I know you would never disobey me on purpose. I love you, and I just want you to have a normal life."

"I know." He said quietly. Then, even softer: "Can You forgive me?"

Her face broke. "Oh sweetheart, there's nothing to forgive. You're my baby boy and I will always love you, no matter what you do."

Finally getting the reassurance he craved, he whispered: "I love you too, Momma."

For a brief moment, Spencer Reid's world was perfect.


End file.
